This archetype package for the bard alters or replaces the following class features: inspire courage, suggestion, mass suggestion, well-versed, versatile performance, and jack-of-all-trades.

Some bards are truly blest with a propensity for profanity and obnoxion. And mothers. Inspired by epic bards Samberg and Timberlake.

Bardic Performance: A mother lover gains the following types of bardic performance.

People Being Punched Right Before Eating (Su): At 1st level, a mother lover can use his performance to punch people right before they eat (or do other things). Each round he performs this routine, he may make a number of attacks of opportunity up to his Dexterity bonus (as though he had the Combat Reflexes feat) using his fists (as though he had the Improved Unarmed Strike feat). His unarmed strike is treated as a +1 magical weapon when he makes these attacks of opportunity. The mother lover must use these attacks of opportunity to punch, and cannot use them to initiate any combat maneuver or other special attack.

At 5th level, and every six mother lover levels thereafter, the enhancement bonus on his fists increases by +1, to a maximum of +4 at 17th level. At 5th level, and every five mother lover levels thereafter, the mother lover's threatened area increases by 5 feet for the purposes of this performance, as though he were benefitting from the Combat Patrol feat and had a base attack bonus equal to his mother lover level. This does not allow normal attacks of opportunity outside his normal threatened area. This ability replaces inspire courage.

Your Mother, Last Night (Sp): As a standard action, a mother lover of 6th level or higher may expend 1 daily use of his bardic performance ability to send a creature into a rage (as the spell). A Will saving throw (DC 10 + 1/2 the mother lover's level + the mother lover's Charisma modifier) negates the effect. Your mother, last night is an enchantment (compulsion), mind-affecting, language-dependent ability and relies on audible components. This ability replaces suggestion.

All Your Moms (Sp): This ability functions just like your mother, last night, but allows a mother lover of 18th level or higher to send any number of creatures into a rage simultaneously. All your moms is an enchantment (compulsion), mind-affecting, language-dependent ability and relies on audible components. This ability replaces mass suggestion.

Bonus Feats: As the mother lover gains levels, his sexual prowess becomes manifest, and spills over onto the battlefield. He gains a bonus feat at 2nd, 6th, 10th, 14th, and 18th levels, from the following list: Acrobatic, Agile Maneuvers, Athletic, Blind-Fight, Improved Disarm, Improved Dirty Trick, Improved Drag, Improved Grapple, Improved Reposition, Improved Trip, Deft Hands, Endurance, Great Fortitude, Improved Initiative, Lightning Reflexes, Point-Blank Shot, Quick Draw, Skill Focus (Escape Artist), and Stealthy. He must qualify for a bonus feat before selecting it. This ability replaces well-versed and versatile performance.

Jack-of-All-Moms (Ex): At 10th level, the mother lover can use any mother, even if the mother normally requires him to be her husband. He gains a +4 bonus on any Bluff, Diplomacy, or Intimidate skill checks made to improve the attitude of a mother. At 16th level, this bonus increases to +8. At 19th level, the mother lover can take 10 on any of these checks, even if it is not normally allowed. This ability replaces jack-of-all-trades.